


Never Have I Ever...

by PurpleButtons0203



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 2017 gpf banquet, Alcohol, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Gen, Never Have I Ever, Yurio's unfortunate adolescent crush on yuuri, but also during episode 12, everyone has a giant gay crush on yuuri but theyre subtle, everyone has so many questions, i will also add more things later on, i will write a chapter for every one of the things i put in there never you worry, phichit and yuuri are Ride or Die Bros, phichit consistently does The Most, phichit is a bad bitch who will cut you if you mess with his best friend, post episode 12, rip that one italian guy, viktor is so freaking in love, will we ever find out what happened that night in the alleyway behind sears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleButtons0203/pseuds/PurpleButtons0203
Summary: Alternately Titled: Phichit Chulanont will cut you if you even breathe wrong in Katsuki Yuuri's directionDuring the second GPF banquet, Chris rounds up all the skaters to play "Never Have I Ever". It rapidly devolves from there.Just a little wacky story about all the things I can imagine Phichit and Yuuri getting up to in college.





	Never Have I Ever...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first YOI fic (and my first fic in forever..................) so I hope y'all like it! I started writing this on the drive home from a family reunion in Michigan, where I remembered that Phichit and Yuuri went to college, and it kind of just devolved from there.
> 
> This fic has not been beta'd. Yuri!!! On Ice belongs to Kubo-sensei. I'm just playing around.

Viktor probably has never been happier than he is at this moment.

The thought strikes him as he’s standing off to the side of the banquet room, one arm wrapped around his Yuuri’s- his _fiancé’s_ \- waist, laughing as Yurio gripes about some sponsor who he’s been avoiding the whole evening. His two favorite boys both have medals hanging heavy around their necks and laughter in their eyes and it hits him like a lightning bolt that this is the fullest he’s felt in- god, years probably.

If only, he scowls to himself, he didn't have to share his Yuris with the rest of the world.

“Come oooooon,” Christophe whines good naturedly, thousand watt smile on his face, eyes lit up with a sparkle of determination. “It’ll be fun! Just one round, and if you don't enjoy yourself, you can come right back over here and continue whatever boring chit-chat you're so invested in.”

“Where is this happening?” Yuuri asks, idly swirling his second glass of champagne. He’s been sipping it slowly, almost as slowly as he did with the first one, for almost an hour. He’d expressed to Viktor earlier that night his determination to both have fun and actually remember the banquet this year, and so had limited himself to a maximum of four glasses for the whole night. Viktor, while disappointed that Yuuri would not be starting any blackout dance-offs this year, was nevertheless going to support his adorable little bunny in all his endeavors, even if it entailed (horror of all horrors) denying Yuuri something he wanted, like more alcohol.

“Just down the hall!” Chris smirks, grabbing Yuuri and Viktor by the wrists and towing them along behind him. Yurio trails behind them, bitching the whole way, but Viktor is being swept up by Chris’s enthusiasm and doesn't have it in him to care.

He sweeps them out of the room and down a series of halls, and they end up stumbling down a corridor of conference rooms. The closer they get to the end of the hall, and the only room with a light on, the louder it becomes.

He isn't sure what he's expecting, but it sure isn't Otabek, Phichit, Leo, Mila, Seung Gil, and fucking JJ in the most intense game of rock paper scissors he’s ever seen.

He also is relatively surprised to see Phichit standing triumphant on on the couch, the lone, deadly scissor among a sea of paper. He’s mostly astonished to see Mila lose, because at their rink she's a god at rock paper scissors. Maybe she's actually average and the rest of them are just super bad? It seems plausible.

“Alright, folks!” Phichit cheers, “I win, which means we're playing 'Never Have I Ever’!”

Yuuri, without taking his eyes off Phichit, slams back his whole glass of champagne and then reaches over and does the same with Viktor’s. Viktor suspects that, had Yurio not been drinking a juice box, Yuuri would have stolen and downed all of his, too.

“Phichit,” Yuuri says flatly, setting both empty glasses on a side table, “really?”

Phichit doesn't jump, but it's a near thing.

“Yuuri!” he exclaims, face transforming from a satisfied smirk to a blinding grin. “Come on, don't be like that,” he coos, jumping off the couch and sashaying over to Yuuri. He smushes Yuuri’s cheeks with his fingers. “It’s been forever since we played, it’ll be just like old times!”

Anyone who had ever been in the vicinity of Yuuri and Phichit knew they had history together. It was common knowledge that they had gone to University together in Detroit, and that Phichit was Yuuri’s best friend in the whole entire world, bar none except his deceased poodle.

Viktor has never once been jealous of their relationship, he tells himself, every time he sees them interact. He's never been seething with envy on the inside at their easy interactions. Really.

“If this is going to be like the last time we played 'Never Have I Ever’, I want no part in it,” Yuuri deadpans, dragging both Phichit and Viktor over to an unoccupied couch and dropping himself between them. “You cheat.”

Yurio drops quietly next to Otabek, looking for all the world like he doesn't care what anyone is saying, but Viktor knows better. Viktor has seen Yurio’s room, and closet, and the 14 Katsuki Yuuri posters and the 5 official t-shirts he owns. He knows about Yurio’s secret twitter account that is legendary in its defense of Katsuki Yuuri, @katsuukifan1. Yurio's eyes are locked on the space between Yuuri and Phichit, because he is Yuuri's number one fan and he is always, always starving for new information about his katsudon.

Viktor knows because he's exactly the same.

“Me,” Phichit gasps in fake offense, “a cheater?! Yuuri, you know me better than that!” He pouts, the dramatics turned up to 11 in the presence of his best friend.

“I do know you,” Yuuri agrees, “which is why I’m calling you a cheater.”

“Goodness, can we start already?” Chris sighs, a pout on his lips. “I didn't bring you all here just to fight!”

Yurio snorts, gesturing angrily with his juice box. “Shut it, you fucking perv.” He glares at everyone. “Well, are we doing this or not?”

“Yeah, yeah. Does anyone not know the rules?” JJ asks. Viktor raises his hand, as does Seung Gil.

Mila holds up both hands. “Every person starts out with ten fingers. We go around the circle and say something we’ve never done before, but you have to start it out with ‘Never Have I Ever’. Like, for example, 'Never have I ever dyed my hair’. If you have done something that someone else says they've never done, you put a finger down. Last one with fingers remaining wins.” They nod. She grins. “You can also target specific people. Like I could say 'Never have I ever kissed a boy’ and I know at least a few people here who would put their hands down. If i really wanted to get, say, Viktor, out, I could say 'Never have I ever won five consecutive gold medals’. Understand?”

“Isn't that playing dirty?” Seung Gil asks, brows furrowed.

Chris grins. “Playing dirty is half the fun,” he winks.

They pull the couches around to a more circular position and settle in. They hold out their hands

Mika glances around. “Let's have…. Viktor! You go first.”

“Hmmmm,” Viktor takes a few seconds to think. It's harder than he expected. “Never have I ever gone skydiving?” Nobody puts a finger down. “Huh, really. That's interesting, maybe we can all go together some day.” Yuuri pats him sweetly on the thigh, and they move on. “I think it's your turn now, Leo.”

Leo nods and flashes a friendly smile.

“Let's see…” he taps his chin. “Never have I ever…. had a cavity?” Otabek puts down a finger, as do Seung Gil and Mila.

“Boooooring,” Chris yawns. “Otabek, you next.”

“Never have I ever spent more than $90 on a pair of shoes.” Several fingers go down at that.

“Including tax?” Leo hedges. Otabek nods. He curses and puts a finger down.

They continue around the circle like that. Mila offers up her hair dye fact again, Chris outs nearly everyone except the two Yuri's and Otabek when he says he's never had sex with a rink mate (which is hard to believe, but Chris is of the adamant opinion that it makes everything far too messy), and Yurio looks Mila dead in the eye when he says he's never hidden someone else's skates. Seung Gil drops a third of the group when he lets them know he's never landed a quad flip, JJ says he's never smoked a cigarette and everyone looks at Yuuri in surprise when he drops his finger.

“My sister has smoked ever since we were both young,” he explains. “She let me try one once and it was terrible, and then she made me promise to never start.” Everyone nods in understanding.

When they get to Phichit, he just smiles for a moment, and Yuuri is overcome by a mixture of alcohol and pure, unfiltered dread.

“Phichit don't you dare-”

Phichit grins. “Never have I ever shotgunned half a bottle of hard liquor, did a quadruple backflip on the ice without skates, cracked half the bones in my left hand, and had to go to the hospital to be treated for both fractured fingers and alcohol poisoning.”

The room is dead silent as Yuuri puts down a finger, giving Phichit the scariest death glare they've ever seen.

“....Katsudon,” Yurio eventually breathes reverently, “what the actual, god damned, genuine fuck.”

“Language, Yura,” Viktor chides automatically, but his heart isn't in it. He’s too busy staring at Yuuri, who is simultaneously squirming from all the attention and glaring at Phichit with all his might.

“Phichit you bastard,” Yuuri deadpans. “Eight years we've known each other, and this is how you repay me?” He looks down at his three dropped fingers in disgust. “I feel betrayed.”

Phichit just smacks him on the back, none too gently, and grins.

Yuuri sighs. “Well, never have I ever drank one Mike's Hard Lemonade, immediately burst into tears, thrown myself at my best friend and told him that my dying wish was for him to crush my skull with his, and I quote, 'rock solid, glorious, godly thighs'.”

Phichit puts a finger down, but he laughs. “Jokes on you, Yuuri, 'cause I’m not even ashamed of that.”

Yuuri is definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol and his insatiable competitive streak, because all he can do is lean against Viktor and say “I know, but I bet you can't beat it, asshole.”

Phichit immediately responds with “Never have I ever shown up shitfaced to practice the day before a competition.”

Yuuri just glares at him as the other skaters stare at him, jaws dropped in horror. “Maybe not, but you were the one who stole the alcohol.” Now they're looking at Phichit. Viktor senses that there's going to be a lot of shouting and wordless staring in the next ten minutes. He isn't wrong.

Yuuri pauses. “Although to be fair, Linette did have a lot of it. She probably didn't even know it was gone.”

Thirty seconds of dead silence pass, and Chris looks like he desperately wants to say something, but before he can, Yuuri says “Never have I ever kicked so hard my skate flew off my foot and broke a skylight.”

Everyone takes a hot second to process that mental image, and then Mila is howling with laughter and it's like a dam breaks. JJ is rolling on the floor clutching his stomach, Leo and Chris are both holding their heads in their hands while they wheeze, and even Seung Gil and Otabek are laughing. Viktor and Yurio, even while dying of laughter, can't seem to take their eyes off Yuuri and Phichit.

Everyone is wiping tears out of their eyes, trying to compose themselves. “Did they make you pay for it?” Leo manages to ask, and Phichit nods sadly, sending out another wave of laughter.

Before the mood can calm down too much, Phichit looks over to Yuuri and says “Never have I ever counterfeited a small mammal.”

“It was to get you to stop crying!” Yuuri exclaims as he dutifully drops a finger.

Viktor can't remember the last time he had so many questions.

Yurio, from where he's slumped against Otabek, asks how in the world you counterfeit a small mammal.

Yuuri and Phichut dont answer. They just look at a set of matching, silvery scars on the back of their left hands and shiver quietly.

Viktor feels like he's going to implode.

It continues.

“Never have I ever learned an entire language just to impress a boy I broke up with six weeks later,” Yuuri says smugly, and Phichit scowls.

“What language?” Mila asks, entranced, and can’t stifle a smile when Phichit says “Greek.”

“Never have I ever cried for five minutes after being accidentally rude to a barista.” Yuuri tears up as he puts a finger down, upset by just the thought of it.

“Never have I ever chugged an entire can of marinara sauce, and when questioned, answered ‘It’s basically a smoothie, bro!’,” Yuuri deadpans, and both Leo and Yurio look like they’re about to vomit at the mere thought.

“Never have I ever won an argument with someone by maintaining uncomfortably strong eye contact while dropping into the side splits.” Yuuri just grins at that. Chris looks like he wants to ask, but they’re too into this game to stop now.

“Never have I had all of my social media accounts suspended at the same time.”

Phichit nearly rockets into the air out of pure indignance. “THAT BITCH WAS TALKING SHIT ABOUT YOU ONLINE,” Phichit yells, much to the displeasure of those with sensitive ears, “WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? NOT DEFEND YOU?”

Yuuri slams his hands on the coffee table in front of him. “PHICHIT YOU HUNTED DOWN EVERY SINGLE SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT HE OWNED, FOUND HIS PHYSICAL HOME ADDRESS, FOLLOWED HIM AROUND FOR TWO DAYS IN REAL LIFE, EXPOSED HIM FOR MONEY LAUNDERING, AND THEN ON THE DAY OF HIS TRIAL SPAMMED ALL OF HIS ACCOUNTS WITH ‘THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH MY HOMEBOY’ UNTIL HE REPORTED YOU ON EVERY SINGLE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM KNOWN TO MAN.”

“RIDE OR DIE,” Phichit exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. “WE MADE A PACT THAT NIGHT IN THE ALLEYWAY BEHIND THE SEARS, YUURI!!! WE SWORE WE WOULD BE RIDE OR DIE UNBREAKABLE BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE AND I TAKE THAT VERY SERIOUSLY.”

Viktor takes back every unkind thought he’s ever had about Phichit Chulanont in his entire life. Anyone who is that dedicated to protecting his fiancé deserves a spot as Viktor’s best man in their wedding. And maybe the godfather of their eventual adopted children. He hasn’t decided yet.

Yuuri rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t have had so much of a problem with it if I hadn’t had to cover for you for the days you were gone.” He jerks a thumb at Phichit, who looks a mix of affronted and smug. “This guy, if you can believe it, flies to fucking Italy, _without me_ , without knowing any of the language, hunts this asshole down in less than four hours by pretending to be a member of the associated press, stalks him for a day and a half out of a rental car, catches him handing over a bag of cash to a mafia lieutenant, breaks into the insurance firm he works at, takes pictures of everything, calls the police, and gets them to arrest this guy for money laundering. He flies back the next fucking day, and two weeks later has to go to Italy, _without me again_ , for five days to testify at this guy’s trial.” He smacks the back of his hand into Phichit’s chest, but it does nothing to quell the unbearably satisfied look on his face. “And I had to cover for him with all our teachers and Celestino. For a total of nine days. While he was having a fucking spy movie adventure, in Italy, _without me!,_ ”

Phichit smiles that pleased grin he gets whenever he does something completely unreasonable for Yuuri. Several of the skaters look at the two of them like they’ve never seen them before but just watched them do something amazing, like hold their breath for six minutes, or do a handstand on a flaming motorcycle.

Chris is grinning like Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Halloween have all come at once. “This- this is fantastic. This is better than anything I could have hoped for.” He leans forward, eyes glued on Phichit like he holds the secrets to the whole universe. “What else did you two get up to in university? How on earth did you two even make it through alive and without a criminal record?”

Phichit an Yuuri look at each other.

Mila gasps, delighted. “ _No._ ”

Yuuri winces. “I mean, they technically don’t exist anymore.”

Phichit nods, glancing at Yuuri, and Viktor can’t fucking take this.

He opens his mouth to say something, but is startled by Yurio slamming his hand over his mouth.

“If you prevent me from hearing this,” he hisses in Russian, “I will never forgive you. And I will no longer share my t-shirts with you. _Shut the fuck up._ ”

Viktor shuts the fuck up. Viktor listens.

Viktor is horrified.


End file.
